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Parameters:
-a can of shaving cream
-darts
-a sling shot
-roller skates

Family Feud
Part 2: The Shaving Cream Fiasco

"Damn it, Deaq, stop squirming!" Van griped at his partner as he finished lacing up the roller skates on his feet.

"I don't know Van, are you sure this is easy?" Deaq asked, apprehensive to the whole idea.

"Yeah, now stand up," Van said as he pulled him to his feet on the showroom floor.

"What the hell are you two doing?!" Billie yelled as she looked up form her computer screen.

"Nothing sir!" Van hollered back as he got Deaq to his feet. "Now, all you have to do is move your feet like you are walking," he said as he pulled his partner across the floor.

Deaq moved his feet as if he were taking baby steps. "Okay, this isn't so bad," he said

"Great, now go a little faster," Van told him.

"NO!" Deaq yelled only to be given a shove by Van. Before he knew it, he was kissing Billie's desk. She looked up from her computer screen, completely surprised and dumbfounded as Deaq slowly lifted himself off of her desk.

“What the hell are you two doing?” she yelled at him, now getting pissed about the interruption. Van’s incessant laughter began to fill her ears as she stood up to find him. He was on the floor behind one of the cars, tears streaming down his face as he continued to laugh at the stunt he and Deaq had pulled.

“You stupid piece of shit,” Billie said calmly as she glared down at him. She offered her hand and Van reached up to take it for assistance. He was halfway up when she let go. He fell back flat on his ass and looked up to see her laughing.

“Revenge is a bitch, Van,” Billie replied, turning around and heading back to her desk as she continued giggling.

Van sat up and glared at Billie. "You're gonna get it!" he yelled as he got up off his ass.

Deaq was still sitting on his ass and laughing at her dropping Van. "Here we go again," he said.

Billie walked back into her office to find Deaq still clinging to her desk. "Here, let me help you," she replied with a mischievous smile.

"Oh no, I’m fine!" Deaq answered, images of what awful things she could do flashing in his head. Billie pulled his hands off her desk and turned him around. She held on to his shoulders until Van was standing in front of the car, right where she wanted him. "Okay, now reach for the car!" she sang as she gave him a shove.

"Billie!!!!!!" Deaq yelled as he went sailing in Van's direction. Van looked up in time to see Deaq hit him full force. The impact knocked them both to the floor.

“Get off me!” Van yelled as he shoved Deaq off his chest and sat up, the scowl present on his face as he glared at Billie again. “You’re going down, bitch!”

“Come and get me!’ she taunted, laughing on hell of a sinister laugh that told Van she didn’t believe him. Oh, he’d make her believe him, as soon as his ass stopped hurting.

Van stood and limped his way up the stairs. She asked for it so he was going to give it to her. Deaq pulled off his skates and hurriedly ran up after Van. "We're not gonna have another balloon fiasco are we?" he asked, remembering the last time almost too clearly.

"No, this is gonna be much better." Van said with that look in his eyes.

Deaq picked up the darts, "Challenge? I'll win this time."

Van took a dart and laughed, "You're on!"

They played darts for a few minutes and were down to the last dart each. This point would tell all. Deaq threw his and got it in the ring right outside the bull’s-eye. Van was up now. He needed a bull’s-eye to win. What neither guy had noticed was that Billie had quietly made her way upstairs and was watching them. She walked up behind Van. She knew she was asking for it, bit this was more than worth it. Van was winding up to throw the last dart. She had timed it perfectly.

As he was getting ready to throw it, she yelled with a bark, "VAN!" he threw the dart into the wall and turned on her.

"BILLIE!! That was not funny!!" he bellowed as Billie and Deaq crumpled into hysterical laughing masses on the floor.

Van ran a frustrated hand through his hair and walked over to the dart board to pick the darts out of it for a rematch, but with his focus waning to the laughing idiots on the floor, he pricked himself with one of the sharp points. He held back a painful whine and one of his best ideas hit him. He was lucky enough to find Deaq helping Billie to her feet, and she was just where he wanted her. With precision aim, Van threw the dart at her back where it landed right on her ass, the point sticking to her like Velcro.

“YEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!” Billie screamed as she reached behind her and pulled the dart out of her ass. There was a murderous look in her eyes as she glared at Van. She started to lunge at him, but he back away, making her hit the wall behind him as he laughed at her.

“It’s only fair! You hurt me, so I hurt you back!” Van yelled, referring to the stun gun, as he tried to stay two steps ahead of her, but she was pretty quick, even in three inch heels.

Billie’s eyes narrowed as she came up to face him. “This is NOT over,” she warned, then turned around, rubbing her sore ass as she walked back downstairs to her office, fuming that she could let Van do that to her and let him get away with it. But she knew she’d get even. ‘Tomorrow,’ she told herself, smiling wickedly. ‘Tomorrow he’s gonna get what’s coming to him.’

*~*~*

The next morning, Van was running a little late. He had awoken around 8:30, giving him little time to do anything other than shower and run to the office. He grabbed a few of his absolute necessities, shaving cream, razor, tooth brush, and tooth paste, and shoved them into a small bag, then headed off to work thinking he’d finish up there before Billie caught him.

Billie was already in her office that morning when Van arrived. She watched as he headed off to the bathroom and reached into her desk to pull out the sling shot she had hidden there earlier that morning. Her intentions were to get him when he least expected it.

Van left the door open not realizing Billie was already in the office waiting for him. He laid out his things on the counter and picked up the can of shaving cream. That’s when Billie saw her opportunity to get him a little worse than he got her. She aimed the sling shot at the can and placed a small sharp rock inside. With a wide smile on her face, she pulled the rubber band back and let it go.

With a loud POP, the can exploded in Van’s hands, its contents flying out in all directions, hitting the wall, the mirror, and most of all, his brand new tee shirt and khakis and his face. Billie tried to hold in her laughter as she approached him, but as she got closer to the scene, she burst.

Van wiped his face with his clean hand and looked at her, expressionless. He had no idea how to react. He was still in shock about the can exploding in his hand. When he heard Billie’s laughter behind him, he turned around to see her holding her sides as she tried to stay upright.

“Come here!” Van said, stretching out his arms to give her a big bear hug. Billie tried to escape him, but he was already upon her, his arms closing in on her waist as she struggled to get away. Now they were both covered in white goo, laughing hysterically as Deaq approached them, looking a bit confused about what had just happened.

"Let go of me!" Billie screamed laughing.

"Never!" Van exclaimed, lifting her up off the floor and spinning her around.

Deaq just stood at the door speechless. He had gathered that Billie had done something to Van, but couldn't imagine where the white goo had come from. After spinning Billie around in circles about ten times, Van set her down and let her walk. Laughing, she took a step and fell into him.

"What happened here?" Deaq asked amused by all that was going on.

"She blew the shaving cream can up right in my hand!" Van replied, wiping the clumps of white out of his hair and shaking them off his hand as he held Billie with the other. “Then I got her back for it.”

“Let me go,” she said, gently easing herself out of his grasp and finally gaining her footing, which was still a bit uneasy. “You are such a dick,” Billie added with a giggle.

“I hope that teaches you not to mess with me,” Van replied.

“This is not over yet, Ray,” Billie warned, walking out of the building and heading to her apartment so she could change into something else. ‘This is just the beginning,’ she added to herself with a sly smile.

“You got that right,” Van yelled behind her. He was already planning his attack for the next day.

Parameters:
-Twister (the game)
-chocolate sauce
-gorilla suit
-pizza sauce
-Billie’s new silk shirt

Family Feud
Part 3: As Twisted As Twister

As Billie walked into the Candy Store that morning, she noticed something a little out of the ordinary. A long trail of brown goo led her from the door to her office. At first she thought it was motor oil and that Van was already in the process of getting her back for the shaving cream thing by dousing it all over the place, but it seemed like the trail was too easy to follow. As she came closer to her desk, she saw two words written on top of it in the same brown goo that was on the floor… “U SUK!”

Billie touched the stuff with her finger to find it thick and goopy. She put it to her nose for a quick sniff and realized it was nothing more than chocolate sauce. Oh, she was pissed now. This stuff would take forever to get off the floor and her desk, but she knew the person that was going to pay for it.

“VAN!” Billie yelled sharply, letting the sound of her voice echo through the warehouse. She had to think of something more humiliating to do with him other than scrub this place clean with his toothbrush. It would take her a while to figure it out, but right now she was content with her first idea. “VAN!” she yelled again when he didn’t answer the first time. ‘Where is that little fool?’ Billie thought to herself as she walked out of her office and began to look for him. He couldn’t be too far away. His car was parked right outside next to hers.

Van had heard her yell and ran up stairs. He looked over the rail as she walked out of her office. She wasn't going to catch him so fast this time. "Damn it, Van! Get your yellow bellied ass out here right now!" Billie hollered heading upstairs. Did she just call him a coward?

"I am not yellow bellied ass!" Van yelled as he stood up out of his hiding spot. Oops. Stupid move… He was definitely in trouble now.

Billie knew that would get him. Van hated to be though of as a coward. "Get down there and clean this shit up right now!'" she hollered.

"Make me!" Van taunted. Oh, he was asking for it now.

Billie went upstairs and grabbed him by the ear. "You want me to make you? I will!" she said as she dragged him downstairs.

"OW! That hurts!" he yelped as she pierced his ear with her well manicured finger nails. Billie pushed him forward, furthering the pain she was inflicting. When they reached her desk, she finally let go. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a sadist?” Van asked, rubbing his sore ear. He was amazed that she hadn’t given him a piercing.

“Any more smart ass comments like that and you’ll be licking this off the floor,” Billie warned as she glared at him and turned around, walking out of her office to get as far away from him as possible just so she wouldn’t have to kill him. ‘Sadist! I can’t believe him!’ she thought.

Van made a face and turned back to the mess he knew he had to clean up by the time the day was over.

Billie walked around thinking about what to do to get back at him. ‘I could pull his spark plugs,’ she thought. ‘No, that isn't mean enough.’ She continued to walk around and ponder what to do. Suddenly she stopped in her tracks. A wicked smile came over her as she came up with the perfect idea.

Van cursed himself for letting the chocolate sauce sit for so long before wiping it up. It was hard to clean when it hardened. ‘What is she gonna do to me now?’ he wondered, grabbing a few paper towels from the bathroom and started to clean. He continued to scrub as ideas ran through his head. She could mess up his clothes again. Or she could just as easily, get something that would really bite him in the ass. ‘Oh boy, maybe, I shoulda thought this out better,’ he said to himself.

Billie had the perfect idea. She could remember driving down Santa Monica that past weekend and seeing a guy in a gorilla suit passing out flyers for some local pastry shop. She laughed at him at first, and now knew what to do with Van. Oh, this was definitely going to be the worst thing she had ever pulled. She loved it! Now, how was she gonna pull it off?

As Van continued to scrub the floor on his knees, he heard someone begin to walk towards him and craned his neck to see Deaq suppressing his urge to laugh out. “Chocolate sauce didn’t spread out like you planned?” he asked, chuckling at his pun.

“Shut up,” Van sharply replied, his anger reaching the boiling point. “Billie’s gonna pay for this.”

“How many times have you said that now? And how many times has she hit you right back?” Deaq reminded.

“Oh, fuck off,” Van retorted.

“Good luck getting her back this time,” Deaq said as he left his partner along to scrub the floor by himself.

Van went back to scrubbing the floor. ‘I'm gonna get her good,’ he thought. ‘But how the hell am I gonna do that?’ his mind retorted. ‘Shut up, Van!’ he thought back. ‘You can't tell yourself to shut up, you're the one making yourself think!’ his brain said.

“Oh god, I’m having an argument with myself!” Van mumbled aloud.

“VAN!” Billie yelled before he had time to answer himself. He was grateful for her interruption, though.

“I’m still cleaning the floor!” Van hollered back as he continued to scrub, fearing she had caught him doing nothing for the last few minutes.

“Get Deaq to finish it. I need you for a special assignment,” she replied, walking over to him. Van let out a sigh of relief. He was glad to get away from the floor, and what sweet revenge it was to have Deaq finish the job for him, especially after what he had said.

“What special assignment?” Van asked as he stood up and threw the dirty towels on the ground at his feet.

“I need you to do some undercover surveillance for me,” Billie answered.

Was she actually getting over what had happened and giving him a job? Van decided not to think too long about it and replied, “Alright. What am I watching and what’s my cover?”

Billie had to suppress her urge to grin wickedly as she said, “You’ll be standing outside the Beverly Hills Hotel. You cover will be this.” She pointed to a hideous looking gorilla suit hanging in her office. The color from Van’s face drained. She wasn’t done with him yet, he realized. “You’ll make it look like you’re passing out flyers for a local business, but I want you to keep a good eye out for the suspects in your new case.”

All Van could do was nod as she handed him the suit. He couldn’t believe Billie was doing this to him. It was absolutely insane! He’d fry outside in the midsummer California heat. Today it was almost ninety outside. The last place Van wanted to be was inside a gorilla suit. He took the ugly thing from her and slowly walked to the bathroom to try it on.

From behind him, Billie began to laugh softly to herself. Oh, revenge was so damn sweet. There was nothing that could top this, nothing! She ran to her desk and pulled out her camera. She needed a picture to remember this prank by.

Van walked into the bathroom and looked at the suit. “Damn, Billie, couldn't you come up with something better?" he cursed as he wiggled into the suit. He walked out of the bathroom and was immediately met with a laugh from Deaq. "Shove it!" he yelled.

Billie was hiding behind him. "Psst," she whispered and Van turned around. As soon as he did, she snapped a picture. "I’m gonna kill you!" Van yelled at her after the sparks in front of his eyes disappeared. "I’m sorry. This is just so..." she said and started laughing.

“Priceless!” Deaq finished for her as they both burst out into heavier laughter.

“HA!” Van retorted, glaring at both of them. He would have given them the finger, but his hands were covered by the damn gloves that came with the suit. He settled for sticking out his tongue, but was soon met with another flash.

“You set yourself up for that one!” Billie laughed as she put down her camera.

“Oh, fuck you!” Van yelled back as he slipped the ten pound, all encasing mask over his head and began to walk with a very small field of view. “You’re gonna pay for this,” her mumbled, seeing one more flash go off from Billie’s camera before she let him off the hook. Minutes later, he was out the door and at his post in front of the hotel.

“Why is he in a gorilla suit?” Deaq asked as he turned to Billie when Van was out of earshot.

“A little payback for the chocolate sauce,” she answered. “He thinks he’s doing some surveillance for me, but this is all part of my plan.”

“Oh, you’re good, a sadist, but good,” he replied.

“Is that the word of the day or something?” Billie said as she turned around, her hands on her hips. Deaq merely shrugged.

Van walked back and forth in his narrow field of vision, people stopping and staring at him. Billie and Deaq were loving it.

"Why are you and Van going at it like this?" Deaq asked her.

"No real reason. Besides, Van started it, ask him," Billie told him.

"You two are childish, you know that?" Deaq told her.

"To work with a child, sometimes you have to get down on their level.” Billie raised her camera up at Van and snapped a picture in time to catch him running into a middle aged couple.

Van cursed under his breath as he tried not to hit anymore people. It was getting really hot in that suit and he was getting ready to either puke or pass out. If he wasn’t careful, he’d probably get heat stroke. ‘Take one for the team,’ Van told himself. ‘This is for the case. You can stick it out for a little while. So what if Billie is doing this for revenge. If you can put that asshole drug dealer in prison for a long time, it’s all good.’ The self pep talk wasn’t working. All Van could really think about was getting out of that suit and strangling Billie. Oh, if only it were that easy.

“Billie, I think it’s about time that you called Van back in,” Deaq said as he noticed him starting to look a little uneasy on his feet.

“Don’t worry about him,” Billie reassured. “He’s a big boy. He can take it.”

“But Billie,” he tried again.

“Shut up and enjoy the hilarity of the situation. You’re never going to see Van in a gorilla suit again. Why waste the moment?” she asked, keeping her camera on him as he moved through another crowd of people.

Van was getting pretty dizzy. He had gone without water for quite a while now and was wishing he had brought a bottle with him. All too suddenly, the world began to spin. ‘This isn’t good,’ he thought, almost beginning to panic. Finally, it hit him. The heat was way too much and he fell over.

“Shit, Billie! What did I tell you?” Deaq yelled as he ran across the street to help his unconscious partner. She ran along with him, dodging the traffic.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know this was going to happen!” she replied. Billie knew she had taken this prank a little too far and only hoped that Van would be alright.

“Van! VAN! Wake up!” Deaq was yelling as he pulled the mask off his face. He slapped him once, and that’s what did the trick.

“What? What happened?” Van replied, sitting up, a little stunned.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here,” Billie added as she slipped her arm around his waist and helped him to his feet.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Van mumbled as he tried to walk by himself, but only fell into her.

“You can kill me later. Let’s just get you back to the Candy Store where it’s cool,” she said, obviously concerned, something Billie never expected to feel towards her dickhead partner. Once they made it into the warehouse, Billie helped Van out of the suit and quickly threw him a few bottles of ice water as he sat on the couch, obviously dehydrated and exhausted.

“What…were…you thinking?” Van panted as he tried, without luck, to open the bottle.

Billie grabbed it and did it for him as she replied, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t know you were going to pass out. I really went a little too far this time, and I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright. Anything for the case, right?” he said, taking a big gulp of the cold fluid.

“Um…” Billie stammered. Van put the bottle down and looked at her. “About that case…”

“This had nothing to do with it,” he finished for her, obviously a little pissed, to put it mildly. Billie looked away, her regret present all over her face. “Oh, this is low, even for you! You’ve done some pretty horrible things to me, but this one takes the cake! If I didn’t feel so dizzy, I’d probably take you on right now and kick your ass.” He took a deep breath, letting the nausea pass, before even considering continuing.

“Look, Van, I’m really sorry,” Billie was sincerely apologizing. “And to make it up to you, you can take a cheap shot at me whenever you want, just not right now. You’re too weak.”

“You got that right,” he mumbled, laying back on the couch and closing his eyes. It seemed like the world would never stop going around in circles. Billie walked over to the sink and doused a towel with cool water the sat down beside Van, placing the towel on his neck. “That feels really good,” he murmured.

“Get some rest, okay?” Billie replied. “I don’t wanna end up taking you to a hospital.”

“Whatever,” Van retorted.

*~*~*

It was evening by the time Van woke up. He wasn’t as warm as he had been earlier, and definitely felt a lot better. He grabbed the bottle of water still sitting on the table beside him and drank it down quickly. He looked around a little and felt like getting even. "Billie!" he hollered.

She was sleeping in the chair next to him and awoke with a start. "What?!" she yelled as she jumped up.

Van laughed. "I'm getting a little hungry," he said in his most pathetic voice.

“What do you want?” Billie asked as she yawned and stretched out across the chair like a big white cat.

“Pizza,” Van answered.

“I’ll order it now,” she said, taking out her phone and dialing the number to the local pizza shop that usually delivered to the Candy Store. Half an hour later, they had their large Chicago style pepperoni and mushroom pizza. “Well, dig in,” Billie said when she realized Van hadn’t reached for the first slice. He took one and began to eat, his mind working overdrive with ideas on how to get her back.

After finishing the first piece of pizza, Van began to grab for another one when Billie reached out and took the one he was after. Then, the idea suddenly hit him. Van picked up a piece of pizza, and when she was in range, he “accidentally” fell forward and the slice fell on her white silk shirt.

“VAN!” Billie bellowed as he tried to suppress a laugh. “That was my new shirt, you little dick!”

“I’m sorry, it was an accident,” Van replied, trying REALLY hard not to laugh at his own prank as he put on his most sincere face.

“Uh, now I have to go and change,” she said, getting up and walking over to the bathroom. She tried to wipe the sauce off her shirt with a couple of napkins, but that didn’t work out that well. It only made the stain worse. Billie gave up and just took the damn thing off, opting to grab the tee shirt she had just in case something like this ever happened. She was getting used to Van’s stunts and thought better be prepared than sorry.

“Nice shirt,” Van commented when she walked back to the lounge in the hot pink tee that sported the word “Spoiled” on the front.

“Eat shit,” Billie growled as she sat down far away from him and grabbed one more slice of pizza before she was finished. The rest of the hour went by pretty slowly as the two of them lounged around in silence, both wrapped up in their own thoughts. Billie thinking about what she’d do to Van next and Van thinking how good he got her this time.

The silence was shattered when Deaq walked in carrying a bag and a large bottle of water. “I come in peace,” he said, standing between them.

“Alright, Dr. Spock,” Van mocked as he reclined on the couch.

“Have Van and Billie finally kissed and made up?” Deaq replied, imitating that motherly tone.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Billie said as she stood up and began walking out the door.

“Hold it right there missy,” he stopped her dead in her tracks. “You’re not leaving until we resolve this problem. I’m sick of working in a hostile environment, and I’m not talking about the field work. What’s going on, Billie? Why are you pissed off at Van?”

“Van ruined my new shirt!” she hissed.

“It was an accident! Besides, did you tell me I could take a cheap shot at you after what happened this afternoon?” Van nearly yelled back.

“We never shook on it,” Billie answered.

“I was barely able to get up! How the hell was I supposed to shake on it?”

“Alright, both of you stop! We’re all adults here! Let’s start acting like it!” Deaq quickly got between them, stopping the impending argument. “Van, say you’re sorry…for everything from the water balloons to the pizza sauce.”

He looked at Deaq as if he were a stranger. “What?” Van asked, his voice going up almost two octaves.

“Say…you’re…sorry,” Deaq repeated, this time a little more slowly to get it through his little brain.

Van crossed his arms over his chest, unable to do what was asked for him. After all, it was Billie’s fault. She always started everything. Billie, in turn, put her hands on her hips and waited for his answer. Realizing he was outnumbered, Van finally mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

“Okay, Billie, you’re turn,” Deaq turned to his boss.

“I’m sorry,” she growled, really not wanting to make that admission.

“No more bad blood?” he asked them both.

“No,” they replied in unison.

“Good.” Deaq disappeared and came back out with the game and said, "Okay, now lets all play nice.”

He had a big grin on his face, alerting Billie to his idea almost immediately. She rolled her eyes at him and asked, “Are you kidding?”

Van sat there, crossed his arms, sticking his nose in the air as he said, "I’m not playing with HER."

“Do we have to have to have another discussion about being adults?” Deaq asked.

"I’m not the one that needs the discussion," Van quipped.

"And I do?" Billie snapped back.

"Children! Enough!" Deaq yelled. He had both of their attention now, and he was going to play on it. "Look," Deaq continued, "maybe a little fun is all we need in our lives right now. Why not tap into our competitive natures with a good old game of Twister? Come on, Van. I know you wanna kick Billie's ass and vice versa. Why not do it in a way that doesn't require sharp or sticky objects?"

“Alright, fine,” Van replied, the idea beginning to appeal to him as he mulled over it. Maybe kicking Billie’s ass once and for all would keep her from trying to get him back, but it would definitely never stop his pranks on her, let alone the verbal abuse she’d get for the rest of her life.

“Oh, my God! The child has transitioned into an adult!” Billie sarcastically exclaimed as she threw her hands in the air. “Alright, Ray, get read for an ass kickin’!” she added in all seriousness.

“The only one doing the ass kicking around here is gonna be me,” Van declared as he glared at her, a determined look in his eyes deep blue eyes.

“You know what? You two are gonna regret saying that when I kick both your asses,” Deaq said.

‘We’ll see about that,’ both Van and Billie thought at the same time.

And so the game began, left foot on blue, right hand on red, right foot on green, and left hand on yellow, until finally, Deaq fell over and was out of the game. That left Van and Billie both fighting against each other in what seemed to be the battle of the century, boss against employee. Deaq was really enjoying putting them in the compromising position they were now it: Van pinned beneath Billie, his arms stretched out across a far yellow circle and a closer green circle while his feet stayed firmly planted on red and blue circles all while facing up, trying desperately to hold himself up as she bore down on him with all her weight.

Billie’s position was just as compromising, if not more. Her arms were to either side of Van’s as her legs pushed just between his. If she wasn’t careful, there was a strong possibility he’d either get a little to happy with their position, or she could possibly turn him into a girl. Whatever the case, she really didn’t like being this close, especially since it was having such a provocative effect on her. All too suddenly, she was totally turned on.

Van tried hard not to think about the way Billie was pressing into him, but he just couldn’t help himself. The heat of her body so close to his was intoxicating, as was the scent of her lavender skin. If he didn’t watch himself, he’d have one major reason to dig a hole in the sand and stick his head in it. The last thing he wanted Billie to know was she gave him the shivers, and not in that scary way she usually did.

“Alright, children, left foot blue,” Deaq called out, rattling both their thoughts.

Van was getting ready to move, but just as he picked up his left foot, Billie slipped beneath his right and sent them both crashing to the ground, with her laying flat out on top of him, her lips so close to his that she could actually feel the staggered breath he let out as he tried to get his bearings. Van looked up into those clear blue eyes of hers, stunned. They were both holding their breaths as they realized they were in range for a kiss.

The tension in the air was almost as thick as the LA smog. Deaq could feel it permeate the room like thick smoke as Van and Billie stared at each other trying to figure out what to do next. He had speculated for the longest time that Van’s actions had been to get attention from her, and now it was coming together so perfectly. He had Billie right where he wanted her, and Deaq only hoped he wasn’t stupid enough not to realize it. The same went for her. She never would have tried to get Van back if she didn’t like him, even remotely.

Billie was in a daze. She was beginning to wonder why this felt so right. She wanted to close that millimeter wide gap between their lips so badly, but that would mean giving in to her inner most desires, all of which involved a very naked Van Ray. Billie shook the thought out of her head, trying to forget it even came into it.

Van knew he was holding his breath, but he couldn’t help it. He was staring up at the woman he had the biggest crush on ever since they met. If he had it his way, Billie would already be kissing him at the moment, but he had to think about the ethics of such a relationship. If he kissed her, everything would change, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. And he didn’t really want to face that just yet. He was already having a hard time trying to forget his feelings for her by playing these childish games, but, god! It was just too hard! He wanted her so badly it hurt! Oh, if only they were alone. Things would definitely be different then.

Billie was the first to move, but only slightly. She shifted her position on top of Van so she was a little more comfortable. He quickly let out the breath he had been holding and put his hands on her shoulders to push her up.

“What are you doing?” Billie asked sharply.

“Moving you,” Van replied with as little malice as possible. “You’re hurting me.”

“Oh, sorry,” she apologized, sitting up and moving a few strands of her dark hair out of her face. Billie sighed as she stood up and extended her hand to help Van. He didn’t take it, fearing that she’d drop him like she usually did. “Oh, come on, Van. I thought we were past all the childish shit,” she said as she looked down at him sitting on the floor. “I won’t let go this time.” He took her hand and she pulled him up.

Deaq finally let out the breath he had been holding ever since that near kiss between the two of them. “Anybody wanna play again?” he asked, trying to make it look like he had been oblivious to the entire thing.

“No, but thanks for the offer,” Van replied as he started to make his way towards the door. He needed to go home and take a very cold shower.

“I’ll take a rain check,” Billie said as she also made a b-line for the door. She was going home and thinking about what happened here, silently thanking the gods that her instincts hadn’t taken over. Oh, that would have been a big mess if she had actually kissed Van. No amount of cleaning would have cleared that up. But that didn’t mean she’d stop thinking about what could have been. ‘Maybe next time,’ she thought to herself, a smile coming across her lips as she made the extra effort to look as sexy as she could walking to her car.

Van took notice almost immediately. ‘Damn, she’s got a fine ass,’ he thought, then quickly slapped himself for it. Unfortunately, he wasn’t watching where he was going and slammed into the bumper of his car, causing Billie to turn and look at him then laugh at his stupidity. Oh, she definitely had his attention, now how was she gonna play on it?

Parameters:
-tarring and feathering
-peroxide
-itching powder
-rubber ball
-Van’s pants splitting
-banana peel

Family Feud
Part 4: Medieval Punishment

Van walked into the Candy Store early the next morning. He wanted to get there just to see Billie walk in, though he'd never admit it. Van was in the showroom when she came in and had the perfect view. Billie had worn those jeans on purpose. If they didn't get Van's attention, nothing would. Van looked and tried to launch the basketball into the hoop at the same time, promptly missing the target.

Billie knew Van was watching and tried to look as sexy as possible walking into her office. She had gotten his attention. She sat in her chair and fiddled around in her drawer and found a little red rubber ball. Oh, the calamity she could cause with this! "Oh, perfect!" she said as she ran up to the lounge where she had just seen Deaq go a minute before.

Billie ran up and said, "Hi Deaq!" as she looked over the rail for Van.

"What are you gonna do now?" Deaq asked eyeing her suspiciously.

"Nothing. I swear!" Billie exclaimed.

Deaq pointed at the little ball in her hand and replied, "I don't believe you."

"Just sit back and watch. You may have to take one for the team," she answered. Before he could ask what she meant, he saw Van standing ten feet away. He knew what Billie was gonna do. Before he could stop her, she had launched the ball.

"Van!" he yelled, causing Van to turn around and get hit right in the middle of the forehead with the ball.

Billie dove in front of the couch so Van did not see her, but she got up like she had been sitting on the it and yelled, "What did you do?!"

"What did I do? I’m not the one that threw the ball, Billie, and you know it," Deaq said. Van rubbed his head and picked up the ball. There was only one thing to do now. Get them both. He aimed the ball and threw it so it would go directly between them.

Billie looked at Van to say something and saw the ball at the last second then jumped out of the way. "Hey! You big jerk! It wasn't me!" she yelled as the ball hit the wall.

“Bull shit!” Van yelled back. “You’ll both get yours when I think of something!” He stammered off towards the bathroom to make sure there wasn’t a big red dent in his forehead where the ball hit him.

Deaq glared at Billie. “Great, you HAD to get me involved, didn’t you?” he hissed.

“Come on, Deaq,” Billie replied. “Don’t you wanna get him back for the roller skates?”

“God, Billie! When are you gonna get it through your head that we’re all adults here? Stop playing games and just tell Van you like him,” he retorted.

Billie’s eyes narrowed as she returned his glare with one even more intense. Deaq was tempted to jump back, fearing she’d pounce him for his assumption. “You think I actually like that little bastard?” she vehemently growled.

Deaq held up his hands in defense. “After what happened last night, anything is possible,” he replied.

Billie rolled her eyes. “Except for that,” she retorted, getting up and walking back downstairs.

Van was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom examining the lump forming on his forehead. Whoever threw that ball was definitely gonna pay, and since neither Deaq nor Billie would fess up, he’d just have to get them both. And he knew exactly how, he’d just have to go to the store to get the proper ingredients for what was to be the biggest disaster in history. Van laughed that sinister laugh and stepped out of the bathroom rubbing his hands together. Oh, this was going to be a very good day even though it didn’t start out as perfectly as he wanted it to.

‘Oh, shit,’ Deaq thought when he saw Van heading out the door. ‘He’s got that look. God help us all.’

“And where do you think you’re going?” Billie yelled when she saw Van grab his car keys and make a b-line towards the exit.

“I’ll be right back!” he called as Deaq made his way into her office.

“Thank you,” he told Billie. She looked at him questionably. “Now Van is gonna get me too.”

Billie rolled her eyes. “It’s probably not gonna be as bad as you think,” she replied.

*~*~*

Van returned about two hours later, the welt on his forehead growing noticeably, but he was in a considerably happy mood as he walked into the Candy Store, whistling. ‘Uh-oh,’ Deaq immediately thought. ‘This is bad. This is really, really bad.’ He knew when Van was in a good mood, it meant he had outdone himself in some way.

“Van, what did you do?” Deaq asked, a little quiver in his voice.

“Nothing,” he almost sang, giving Deaq a Cheshire grin.

“Billie!” Deaq yelled as he walked towards his superior’s office. “If Van doesn’t kill you, then I will!”

“Calm down,” she replied coolly. “There’s nothing he could possibly do that I wouldn’t know about.”

“Easy for you to say,” he mumbled, walking out of the office.

They spent the rest of the day handling paperwork until it was time to leave. Van couldn’t erase the ear to ear grin on his face as he walked out of the Candy Store whistling once more. Deaq shivered at the thought and decided to take a quick look over his car to make sure there was no potato stuffed in the tailpipe and no sugar in his gas tank. After the initial inspection turned up nothing, he climbed inside and drove home.

Billie basically did the same, only she also inspected the interior of her car to make sure Van hadn’t stuck any pins on her seat or crazy glue on her steering wheel. When she was satisfied, she started the car and drove to her apartment.

Van stayed back a little while and watched them. He laughed to himself when he realized they had absolutely no idea that the real shock would come in the morning. Oh, this was truly shaping out to be his best prank yet.

*~*~*

Deaq got up and hopped in the shower, he needed it the eye opener this morning. The water was great. He stayed in for about ten minutes and hoped out. With a towel over his head he stood in front of the mirror he said to himself, "Today, Van's gonna do it today." Deaq pulled the towel off his head and stared. "What the hell?" he said as he wiped off the mirror. He reached up and touched his hair. This was real; it didn't come off on his fingers. "Shit!" he yelled as he went over and smelled the shampoo. It was different. Suddenly it hit him. "VAN" he bellowed. Hurriedly, he dressed so he could get to work and kill the little prick.

Billie was in the shower, she had woken up late, what a shock and she didn't have a lot of time on her hands. Somehow her alarm had gotten switched to 45 minutes later. She didn't have time to figure out how it happened. She jumped out of the shower and dried off. Instead of putting on lotion, she grabbed her powder. That would be faster. She sprinkled it on and rubbed it in. She ran into the bedroom and threw on her black skirt and black turtle neck. She had an itch, so she scratched. The itch just got worse. Soon she was itching all over. She went into the bathroom and took out her powder. It said "Itching Powder.”

How in the world had that gotten in her cabinet, she wondered as she itched. This itching was driving her nuts! As she continued to scratch, images of Van's cocky little smile flashed in her head. Had that little bastard broken into her place and planted this?

Oh, he was SO dead when she got a hold of him! ‘I’m gonna cut his balls off with a butter knife!’ she thought. A satisfied grin crossed her lips. She stopped itching for a second and then started scratching like a flea infested cocker spaniel. She stopped scratching and ran out the door to get to work so she could kill the stupid son of a bitch.

Van made it to the Candy Store early that morning. He laughed when he thought of what those two were doing right now. Van knew he was in for it when they got there. He sat down in Billie's office so he wouldn't miss a thing. Soon enough he heard the door slam open.

"Van, you little weasel! Get your ass out here!" It was Deaq. This should be great. Deaq came around and Van busted a gut when he saw his bleached blonde hair. "This IS NOT funny!" Deaq yelled. Van laughed harder. He knew it was only a matter of time until Billie came arrived. He would be so dead at that moment, so he decided to enjoy this now.

Deaq continued yelling at Van using various profane words. Van got a kick out of the whole thing. Then it happened. The door flew open with a bang. "Van, you worthless little shit, where are you?!" Billie hollered in her most obnoxious voice.

"In here, sweetheart!" Van sang, causing Deaq to stop yelling and snicker. "I am gonna kill…" she yelled and then stopped and stared. Still itching she eyed Deaq. "What happened to you?" she asked trying not to laugh.

"Well, because you told Van I did it, he got me!" Deaq yelled at her.

“You look like Sisqo,” she giggled. After Billie stopped laughing at Deaq's hair she went back home and took another shower. She came back about an hour later and sat in her office peeling a banana. "Deaq!" she yelled.

"I'm trying to eat lunch damn it!" he called from upstairs.

"Get down here, NOW!" she hollered.

Deaq walked down the stairs and into Billie's office. "What?" he asked, not amused by the smile on her face.

"Well, Blondie, I need you to do me a favor," she said, laughing a sinister laugh.

"Oh no!" he quickly rejected.

"You want to get Van back for the hairdo, don't you?" she played on his feelings.

"Well, yeah, but..."

"Then help me out! You only need to do one thing for me."

"What is it?" he asked, intrigued now.

"Put this banana peel at the bottom of the stairs and I’ll call Van down.”

Deaq loved the idea. He knew what would happen but he didn't want to think about that. He put the banana peel at the bottom of the stairs and went back into Billie's office.

Billie walked out and stood a bit away from the stairs. "Van, get your pathetic ass down here, now!" she yelled.

Van came running down the stairs. "What do you want no... Whoa!" he yelled as he stepped on the banana peel and slid across the floor. Seconds later, he was in the air and heard a loud ripping sound right before his head hit the bottom step and knocked him unconscious.

“One of these days, we’re gonna kill each other, you know that?” Deaq said as he nudged Van with his foot to make sure he was out.

“Yeah,” Billie replied nonchalantly.

“Now what do we do with him?” he asked.

“Leave him,” she answered, turning and walking back to her office to finish lunch.

Deaq kneeled down beside his partner and said, “Van, wake up,” as he shook his shoulder. “Come on, man. I know you’re a lot tougher than that.”

Van groaned as his eyes slightly opened. “The walls, the stars, so pretty,” he mumbled incoherently. Deaq helped him sit up. “Why is the world spinning?” Van asked, closing his eyes to keep himself from getting sick.

“Because you probably have a concussion,” Deaq replied, getting Van to his feet and up to the lounge where he found an ice pack. Van lay back on the couch ready to fall asleep. “NO!” Deaq yelled, startling him up. “If you fall asleep now, you’re never going to wake up again, and I don’t think Billie would like that.”

“She’d probably love it,” Van murmured, placing the ice on the back of his head where he hit the stairs. As he sat there wishing the world would stop spinning, he noticed the big hold in his pants. He groaned, more pissed about his pants than Billie’s latest practical joke. “God, I hate that woman,” he growled.

Deaq smiled and thought, ‘Yeah, right,’ as he sat down across from Van. “How do you plan on getting her back this time?” he asked, figuring that’s what Van was thinking now.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, his eyes staying closed. It felt as if he had too much to drink or something. “She’s gonna pay, though, in a painful way, painful and embarrassing. This is the second time she managed to knock me unconscious and all I have to show for it is giving her a sore ass, in both senses of the term. How am I supposed to top the gorilla suit?”

“I dunno,” Deaq shrugged. “What’d they used to do in medieval times?”

Suddenly, the idea hit Van so hard he was almost reeling. “I got it!” he exclaimed. “Tar and feathers.”

“Tar and feathers?” Deaq asked.

“Tar and feathers,” Van restated. “Right when she least expects it.”

“And when is that supposed to be?”

“The next bust, out in public, you know, adds to the whole medieval theme of public humiliation.”

“Van, I think you’ve earned the title of sadist.”

“Thank you, Deaq.”

Deaq shook his head. His partner was really turning into the devil. He only hoped that Billie wouldn’t get hurt in the process, but then again, she deserved a little pain after what she’s done to Van.

*~*~*

The next day rolled around slowly. By that time, Van had purchased the highest quality tar and feathers he could find and stashed them in his car, waiting to be used that afternoon right after the bust. Oh, Billie was definitely gonna get what she was asking for. His head was feeling a little better even though a doctor had confirmed he had a concussion, but that didn’t stop him for getting to work early just to watch Billie walk in as she usually did, all hot and sexy. That day she had chosen to wear a red tube top and a pair of tight fitting black pants that really accented her curves.

‘Damn, that girl got a fine ass,’ Van thought as she walked past him, a gleam in her sky blue eyes. He smiled. Soon enough, that gleam would be gone. It was only a matter of time before he’d extract his revenge for the banana peel and the gorilla suit. He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when the tar spilled all over her head and body, then the feathers covered the rest.

Billie raised her hand and smacked Van in the head when she realized he wasn’t paying much attention to anything at the moment and asked, “How are you feeling today?”

Van rubbed the back of his head as he replied, “Worse now that you’re here.” She smacked him again. “Ow! What was that for?”

“That was for being the smart ass that you are,” Billie answered, walking away from him hurry. She had a lot of work to do before their bust went down that afternoon at the theater in downtown LA. She had to call SWAT for backup and a few of her buddies on the force that she usually used as plain clothes officers to help her with busts if Van and Deaq couldn’t pull them off without a hitch, which was almost too frequently.

Deaq finally walked in an hour later, his bleached hair covered by a bandana. Van managed to swipe it off his head in one quick motion. He laughed and asked, “Dude, when are you gonna get that fixed?”

“Soon,” Deaq retorted, trying to get the bandana back from his so called partner who continued to patronize him as he ran around the Candy Store.

Deaq ran after him, pissed as all hell until Billie yelled, “Will you two children stop messing around and get in here?”

Van threw the bandana to him as they walked into Billie’s office together to find her sitting there staring at her computer screen intently.

“What do you want, Billie?” Van asked, well, hissed is more like it. He was having fun, but she always managed to cut it short.

“I want you to stop acting like the overgrown children that you are and start acting like cops. You guys need to get to the theater and plant as many listening devices and cameras as you possibly can. Remember, you only have three hours, so make it good. And I want a full report when you’re done. I seriously hope we catch these bastards or we’re in deep shit. Got it?” she barked, getting their attention.

“Yes sir,” both men replied in unison. They walked off towards the parking lot and got into Van’s car. The moment was finally upon him to get the payback he so desperately wanted.

Billie, on the other hand, took her sweet time getting ready. She was almost too relaxed as she waltzed out of the Candy Store and to her car. She checked her watch to make sure she was on time and saw she had just enough of a gap to grab some coffee before heading to the theater to meet her crew and pull the bust. She hadn’t gotten a call from neither Van nor Deaq and assumed that they were still wiring the place when in fact Van was setting up his best prank yet.

He had Deaq help him hoist the large tub of tar onto the marquee of the tiny theater after they had installed all their equipment into the tiny theater, which included the outside right below them where Billie would surely be standing when the bust was over, taking the credit as she usually did. Van snickered to himself when he realized there would be cameras everywhere to catch the action. This was definitely gonna make front page news, Van thought with a wicked smile.

“Now what?” Deaq asked once he had the last bag of white feathers sitting on the marquee right beside the tar.

“We call Billie,” Van replied as he took his phone out of his pocket and dialed his boss.

Billie heard her cell ring just as she approached a stoplight and as she reached over to the passenger’s seat to grab it, her coffee spilled on her lap. “SHIT!” she yelled as the hot liquid quickly seared her inner thighs. She grabbed a napkin and quickly began to wipe the stuff off as she continued to reach for her phone. “What do you want?” Billie barked at the person who had caused her to spill her coffee.

“Everything’s in place,” Van replied, realizing he had caught her at a bad time, but that didn’t really matter to him. ‘Soon,’ he thought happily. “The guys should be arriving soon.”

“Well, get your ass in the theater then and stop talking to me!” she spat, hanging up when the light turned green and throwing the phone back onto the passenger’s seat. ‘God, this is NOT my day,’ Billie thought, shaking her head as she continued to drive and wipe her pants at the same time.

When she arrived at the theater, she noticed the infamous delivery truck parked on the other side of the street. She just needed either Van or Deaq to message her and she’d give the signal to storm the place. Milling around her were the plain clothes officers she had just in case the bust didn’t go as planned. Billie decided to keep trying to get her pants dry until her messenger went off, but that proved to be a stupid idea since seconds later, she could feel the familiar buzz coming from her pocket. She pulled the messenger out and threw up her hand, signaling the guys in the delivery truck to run into the theater.

Billie got out of her car, gun drawn, and followed them inside where Van and Deaq were cuffing the two thugs they had been after for a while. She smiled, glad that the bust had gone without a hitch and put her gun away. It was about time she went and changed her clothes back home, but she was stopped by several other officers in order to file reports. They dragged her outside in the sunlight where they could see as Van and Deaq made their way up to the marquee.

"Okay, okay, I'll get to you in a damn minute!" Billie yelled at one of the officers. She hated this part. The sun was bright and there were people everywhere. She put her signature on yet ANOTHER piece of paper and walked away. ‘Oh, lovely, the news is here!’ she thought sarcastically, wishing that everyone would just go away/. Well, they had another detective so she wasn't worried.

Van and Deaq were on top of the marquee with the buckets and saw Billie was not at the mark yet. She continued walking around talking on her cell with someone. Finally, she hung up and the officer who inches from the mark called her over. "Deaq! Look, she's gonna be in the spot!" Van said jumping up and down.

"I know you’re excited, but if you don't calm down, you'll give yourself a hernia, so chill!" Deaq laughed.

Billie was talking to the officer and the news crew slowly focused on them. An attractive female reporter was talking about the case, which didn’t go unnoticed by Van. “Dude! Cameras! Let’s go!” he exclaimed, getting even more excited.

Deaq grabbed the bucket of tar and Van the feathers. "Remember, two seconds after I dump the tar, you dump the feathers," Deaq told him.

"Okay! Now do it before the camera pans away, would ya!" Van yelled.

Deaq looked down at an unsuspecting Billie and laughed. "She's gonna fired us, you know that right?" Deaq said to Van.

"I know. But this is so worth it. Now do it already!” Van said insistently. Deaq looked down and dumped the tar.

Billie was flirting with the cute officer who had asked to talk to her when she felt something thick, black, and extremely sticky. “What the FUCK!” she yelled, realizing the sticky stuff on her fingers was tar. She looked up just as Van dumped the feathers. They flew down all over her tarred body, plastering themselves to the black goo as the camera zoomed in. She opened her eyes after wiping the feathers away to see Van and Deaq looking down at her and exploding into fits of laughter.

“YOU FUCKERS ARE SO DEAD!” Billie hollered, pointing up at them with a very angry finger.

Van and Deaq came down to get a closer look at the damage they had caused. Van was still laughing and Deaq hoped she wasn't going to fire them. Billie was nowhere to be found. Van and Deaq milled around with the other officers talking about their prank and what she was gonna do to them for it. Suddenly they saw her in the ally talking to the news crew. As the leaned against the wall they heard her talking about how her officers must've gone off their medication!

“Yeah, they’re two very high strung children that still need Ritalin in order to function properly. I don’t know how I could have let them leave the department without their meds,” Billie was saying with a very wide smile on her half black, half feathered face.

Van’s jaw dropped. There was no way he was letting her get away with that!

A/N: Finally after one hell of a long wait, installment #7 in the series. Sorry for the delay. Enjoy!

Music: Sarah McLachlan "I Love You"

Parameters:
-Sharpie marker
-staple gun
-spray paint

Family Feud
Part 7: Don’t Drink the Coffee!

Billie was impatiently pacing her redecorated office the next morning, almost completely biting off her nails in the process. That night had been a long one. A team of carpenters and god knew who else had been dispatched to the Candy Store to get her stuff down from the ceiling. How Van and Deaq had managed to get it up there was still a big question she wanted answered, and NOW! But with the heavy sedatives she had slipped into Van’s coffee that morning, there was no way she was getting him to talk any time soon.

There was a good reason for the sedatives… Billie had formulated her revenge the night before as she watched the carpenters work on removing the glue from her desk. A Sharpie marker had fallen from one of her drawers and hit her on the head. That’s when the idea also struck her. That morning she had gone to the drug store to buy the strongest over the counter pills. Mixing them with the coffee she had made, she gave the cup to Van, who hadn’t suspected a thing, and watched as he downed it.

‘Jeez, he must be tired. What the hell happened to him last night?’ Billie thought to herself when she noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes. She started to feel sorry for him, but looked up to see the chair still stuck to the ceiling and remembered why she was going to prank him that morning. Van deserved what he was about to get, if only those damn sleeping pills would kick in already!

Van sat down on the couch after he threw out the empty coffee cup Billie had given him only moments ago. He was a little surprised to see that some of her stuff had already come down from the ceiling, but the chair was still left up there, which made him all the more nervous. As for last night, it had been a rough one, his dreams being haunted by the goddess that now stood in her office watching him intently. That near kiss set off a chain reaction in his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. She was so beautiful and witty and… HOT! ‘Why does she have to haunt my dreams?’ Van thought solemnly, letting his head sink a little when he started to feel really tired all of a sudden. Before he knew it, he was out cold, his only thought being about Billie naked on his bed.

Billie knew Van was asleep the second she saw his head droop down and roll to the side. Oh, this was going to be so much fun! She grabbed the Sharpie off her desk and ran over to the couch where he had chosen to knock himself out on. Gently pushing Van back, Billie straddled his waist, a very mischievous smile coming across her lips when several dirty images began to flow through her mind. She quickly shook them out of her head and uncapped her marker.

Billie knew exactly what she was going to do. She started with Van’s forehead, drawing a couple of large horns just below his hairline, then making her way down to his nose, where she blackened the tip and drew a few whiskers. Sitting back, she surveyed her work and nearly burst out laughing. With the amount of sleeping pills she had slipped into his coffee, she was perfectly fine with the outburst. It was then that Deaq chose to show his face.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, walking into the showroom from the parking lot with a very confused look on his face. That all changed the second he glanced at Van and nearly fell to the floor laughing. “Oh, you didn’t!” Deaq chuckled.

“Yes, I did!” Billie squealed with delight.

“Gimmie that pen!” he ordered, grabbing the marker out of Billie’s hand and starting on his own little masterpiece on Van’s cheek. He started with something simple, a heart, and began to spin off on all the things Valentine related, including the arrow and a special little message that he knew would get him in trouble with both Van and Billie, but that was the last thing on Deaq’s mind. When he finished, he stepped back letting her finally see what he had drawn and handing back the marker.

“I love Billie!” she nearly yelled seeing the little message inside the heart. "Deaq!! I’m gonna kill you!! Come back here!" Billie screamed as she threw the marker at him and stood up to chase him around the warehouse.

Billie quit the chase when she realized they had woken Van with the noise. “Will you guys shut the fuck up?” he sleepily asked, draping his arm over his eyes and rolling over to the side a tad for comfort. He was out cold again, allowing Billie to continue chasing Deaq around the showroom until he finally jumped on one of the cars and called a truce.

“Get off my car!” Billie shrieked when she realized he was on her silver Benz.

“Oh, shit! I’m sorry, Billie,” Deaq quickly apologized as he jumped off. He knew he had pissed her off again and prayed that she wouldn’t get even with him as harshly as she had the other day with the duct tape.

*~*~*

It was about three in the afternoon when Van finally came to. He got off the couch and walked downstairs to Billie's office. "So, what do you want me to do now?" he asked, hoping she would flirt with him but she didn't look up right away.

Billie wanted to send him to the bathroom to look at his face but she couldn't do that. "Me and Deaq haven't eaten yet. Why don't you run down to Pinks and get us all some hot dogs and drinks?" she replied. That was the most crowded place in L.A. that she could send him. Van walked out the door and down the street getting strange looks the whole way. When he was gone, Billie and Deaq gathered in her office and collapsed in laughter.

Van made his way to the crowded hot dog stand, several people looking at him strangely, especially the lady who took his order. Several others pointed and snickered. He started to wonder what the hell was going on, but his order was soon called, and he quickly made a point to get the hell out of there. What the hell had been so funny? Van decided to let that simmer until he reached the Candy Store again and dropped off the food to his fellow officers.

As he walked into the cool warehouse, Van quickly scoped out Billie and Deaq in her office, laughing hysterically over what he didn’t know. “Hey, guys?” he asked. They looked up at him and burst out once more. “What the hell is so funny?”

“Um… Maybe you should go to the bathroom,” Billie giggled, trying to stay as calm as possible.

“Is there something on my face?” Van questioned before making his way towards the bathroom.

“Uh… you could say that,” Deaq replied, making him all the more worried.

Van sprinted into the bathroom, turning on the light and taking a good look in the mirror. He screamed in horror when he saw the drawings on his face. The girly shriek pushed Billie and Deaq overboard. They started to laugh so hard they fell out of their chairs as their sides began to split with pain. This was too much for either of them to bear. Billie could feel the hot tears stream down her cheeks as she tried to right herself by using the edge of the desk for support, but continued to fall off of it as more waves of laughter passed over her.

Billie and Deaq started to crawl on all fours towards the doorway of the office to the bathroom to see Van but fell on the floor laughing. Billie thought her sides were gonna split. Deaq was sure he was gonna suffocate from laughter. Suddenly Van was there standing over them.

"Okay, who did it?" he yelled. Billie looked up and crumpled into tears again. "Deaq! Was it you or her?" he yelled getting in his face.

Deaq tried to talk, but he was laughing too hard. All he could do is point at Billie then at himself. "So, it was both of you!" Van hollered getting up. Billie was doubled over laughing now. Van stepped over Deaq and kneeled down in front of her. “Okay, so, how do I get this stuff off my face?" he hissed. She just shrugged and continued to laugh harder.

“Scrub… Scrub… Scrub…” Billie managed before she doubled over again.

Van was fuming now. He stood up and walked over to Billie’s leg. A swift kick to her shin and it was the end of her laughing. She was now doubling over in pain instead. Van gave her a satisfied smirk before he walked back into the bathroom to take her advice. This was going to be a long day.

“OW!” Billie cried as he held her leg. Van had kicked her pretty hard, but she knew she deserved it. For Van, this was instant gratification. ‘Baby,’ she quickly thought, realizing that this was only something a five year old could pull.

Deaq continued to laugh until Van glared at him and said, “You’re next if you don’t shut up.” He stopped laughing and rolled over onto his back. He finally stood up and walked into the bathroom where Van was scrubbing the marker off his face. He had gotten parts of the horns off already, but the “I love Billie” heart was still there, as obvious as ever, especially now that his face was red from all the scrubbing. It made the thing stick out like a sore thumb!

Deaq couldn’t stop his chuckle as he approached Van very carefully. Van glared at him through the mirror, grabbing the soap and continuing to rub his face with it until he thought it would bleed. Deaq walked up to Van and snatched the bar of soap out of his hand. "There, there. Easy boy. We worked hard to get her brand on you!" Deaq said with a big smile on his face. "Now, come on out to pasture with the rest of us," he added with a final smirk before pulling on Van's arm.

“Fuck you!” Van nearly yelled in his face, grabbing the bar of soap back, but it slipped out of his hand and landed on the floor. He reached down to try and grab it, but it continued to evade is grasp. Too frustrated to continue chasing the soap, Van finally gave up and went back into the bathroom, pushing Deaq out and slamming the door in his face as he began to look for another bar of soap.

“Come on, Van, I was just kidding!” Deaq yelled through the door.

“Bull shit! I know this was all you!” Van hollered back angrily, finally finding another bar of soap, even though this one smelled like rose petals. ‘Billie’s doing,’ he immediately thought. He didn’t care. Soap was soap. So what if he’d smell like a girl for a little while. Maybe Billie would flirt with him a little more if he used it. ‘Oh, what the hell am I think about her for? She’s the one who did this to me! I should be thinking about a way to get some revenge!’ Van scolded himself.

He tried to think of a few good scare tactics, but it was nearly impossible. She looked so cute when she laughed. ‘Oh, god… I am in love with her,’ came his revelation like a bolt of lightening.

“When the hell are you gonna get out of there!” Deaq yelled from outside the door, startling Van out of his thoughts. “I need to pee!”

“Go take a piss in the alley!” Van retorted. “I’m gonna be a while!”

"Oh god!" Van said to himself as he leaned against the wall once he knew Deaq was gone. This couldn't be happening. "Get a grip man," he told himself. He went to the sink splashed some cold water on his face then went out into the showroom and made his way up to the balcony so he could stare down on her. 'I seriously hope Deaq doesn't see me up here,' he thought.

Billie was in her office when she looked up to see Van make a dash out of the bathroom upstairs. "What the hell is that fool doing?" she asked herself. She noticed a couple minutes later that he had taken a seat in the balcony and was looking at her. She didn't pay any attention and went back to her work. But then it struck her. "I wonder how quick his reflexes are?" she thought to her self.

So she looked around the office and found an abridged Webster’s Dictionary. She picked up the huge volume and walked out of her office to the bottom of the balcony. When she had positioned herself just right, she yelled, "Hey Van, catch!" and threw the enormous book up at him. Van had enough time to react to the point that he could barely clutch the book as it flew into his chest and he threw him over a couple chairs to the ground with a big thump!

*Cough.* "Billie!” Van hollered from his position on the floor. As soon as he yelled her name she was there to take the book off him and help him up. Once he was standing, he grabbed her around the neck and asked, "Why did you do that?"

Billie swallowed and looked up at Van to answer. "Well, you were standing right there and the book was just sitting on my desk waiting to be used, and that was the most constructive thing I could come up with," Billie blurted out at the end as she tried to stifle the laugh. Van let go of her neck and pushed her aside as he walked back downstairs and shook his head in disbelief of what she had just said.

"I'm going home," Van growled as he walked out of the Candy Store and headed for his car, leaving Billie, and a bewildered Deaq standing there staring at him wondering what his problem was. He had had enough of thier crap for one day. He knew tomorrow would bring sweet revenge, just how was he gonna pull it off?

Van let his ideas simmer as he left the parking lot and headed to the hardware store remembering that he had to install a new faucet in the bathroom because the other one had broken and was now leaking all over the floor. Parking just outside the store, Van quickly ran inside to grab the few things that he needed. As he walked through the aisles looking for parts and tools, he noticed that the staple guns were on sale, which is when his best idea hit him. He grabbed one, finished the rest of his shopping, then headed home to fix that leaky faucet once and for all, and make a plan of action for tomorrow. Oh, this was definitely going to be his ultimate revenge.

Now beneath the leaky faucet that was contributing to his sleepless nights, Van was already pulling it apart with a screwdriver and a pair of heavy duty pliers. His thoughts kept drifting back to what happened at the Candy Store today and how he’d get his revenge for what Billie and Deaq had done to him. It wasn’t long before the perfect plan presented itself to him. He’d slip some heavy duty sleeping pills into their coffee then somehow staple them to a wall. Just how he was gonna do that still puzzled him, and before he could complete his thought, the cell phone he had placed on top of the sink began to ring and startled him into sitting up and banging his head against the sink bowl.

The crack that came from Van’s head hitting the hard marble was almost deafening. Stars began to appear in front of his eyes as his vision blurred and nearly blackened. He had to force himself to keep from passing out from the amount of pain he was feeling at the moment. Van reached up from underneath the sink and grabbed the phone thinking, ‘Damn, that’s gonna leave a mark! Whoever is on the other end of this phone is getting an earful!’

“What the hell do you want?” Van growled his answer.

“Ooh, a little pissy, aren’t we?” Billie replied, a little mockingly.

“Fuck off, Billie,” he hissed, getting ready to hang up on her and turn off his phone for the rest of the day.

"If you hang up, you're fired!" Billie said just as she sensed Van was gonna hang up.

"Fine. What is it?" Van sighed as he rubbed his sore head.

"The Candy Store needs a favor," she said. "Well, actually, I need the favor," she finished. Van's previously drooping eyes weren't prepared to come open when she said the favor. "I need you to come down and give my Benz a good wash and wax. I need it tomorrow morning for a meeting with the police captain."

Van's eyes flew open and almost shot out of his head when she said this. He wasn't her fucking lackey, why should he wash her car? "Fuck no, Billie!" Van yelled over the phone. He knew she had to be off her rocker to ask him that. "What the hell are you thinking? That I'm gonna do it?" he continued.

"Well, yeah," was all she said.

Billie knew that she could you her power over Van to get him to do it and that she would. "Come on Van! Pleeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeeee?" she begged in a whining tone she knew he hated to hear a woman use.

"Oh knock it off!" Van hollered. He heard the change in her tone of voice. "Oh, no! You are not doing this to me again! I will not be suckered into doing it your way!" Van said.

"Fine," Billie replied *sniffle sniffle* *sob* "I...I.....I....I....guess I'll t...t...t...t...talk to you l....l...later," she sniffled.

"Fine! I'll come wash your damn car!" Van grumbled and slammed down the phone. The leaky sink would just have to wait. But maybe the staple gun could come into some use…

Van made his way back to the Candy Store again, pissed off a little more than usual, but he had come up with a much better plan for Billie’s revenge. Instead of stapling her to the wall like he was gonna do to Deaq, he decided to leave a few surprises on her car after he washed it. This was definitely going to be a lot more fun than he thought. He made sure to wipe the smile off his face when he walked into to showroom. That would give everything away and spoil the surprise.

“Glad you’re finally here,” Billie said, eyeing the bruise on his forehead. “What happened to you?”

“Well, I kinda had a little run in with the bathroom sink. You see, unlike you, I actually fix things by myself. I don’t need anyone to do things for me,” Van retorted.

“Are you implying something?” she replied.

“No, not at all,” he sarcastically remarked as he made his way towards her car. Once she was out of range, he smiled, his thoughts already turning to the horrible deeds he was about to do.

He started with the inside of the car, working his way out leaving little surprises here and there for her to find the next day. Once done with the inside, he started on the rims, making sure to make the sloppiest mess possible and leaving the shiny chrome streaky. Pleased with his work, Van moved on until the entire car was finished; windows were streaky, rims were ruined, so on and so forth. Still, it was the surprise hidden inside her car Van couldn't wait for Billie to find. That would definitely push her off the edge and maybe even get him fired. But hell, it was so worth it!

*~*~*

Billie walked in the office the next morning to find Van already there. He sat in the lounge minding his own business, only saying "Hello," no sexist remark or hit on. 'Oh well, can't win 'em all I guess,' Billie thought as she sat at her desk. She had only been there for a minute when she realized the car needed to be looked at to make sure nothing had happened while Van was washing it. After all this was an important meeting. Nothing was supposed to go awry.

Van saw that Billie was getting up and watched intently as she headed towards the car. First, she wiped part of the windshield where Van had left finger prints. 'Any second now Ray, she'll blow,' Van thought and simultaneously Billie saw the rims and bellowed "VAN!!!"

Van walked partially down the stairs and just looked at her. "This is a mess, Van!" Billie harshly scolded.

"I know sir," Van replied with his head hanging so she couldn't see the smirk that was there.

"Well, fix it. Now!" Billie answered firmly as she walked up to him and stood three inches from his face. "I want it by two or I know a nice bunch of Columbians to give you to. Understood?" she said. As she walked away, Van called after her, "Hey Billie, try sitting in it, I swept her out real good!" The smile on his face was beginning to grow.

"Oh you did?" Billie questioned. Maybe that was the only good thing he did. "Well, I'll have a look, if you insist.

"I do insist," Van replied.

Billie walked over to the car and looked in the window. "Nice job," she told him.

"Thank you. Why don't you have a seat inside? I think you will enjoy the new scent I picked for the air freshener," Van said with a wide smile.

"Are you sure? The seats aren't wet or anything from being cleaned, are they?" she kept stalling. Van opened the drivers side door and told her to go ahead ad see for her self. "Hmm, it's dry," Billie said as she took a seat and closed the door.

Van stood on the outside of the car looking in with a big satisfied grin growing on his face as she realizes there was a smell. Suddenly she comes bursting out of the car and flying at Van. "You little fucking piece of shit! What did you do to my car?" Billie screamed as she wrapped her hands around his throat and started choking him.

“Get… off… me…” Van managed to mumbled as she continued her strangle hold on his neck. He tried to loosen her death grip, but it just got tighter as he pulled on her harder. “You’re… choking… me…”

“That’s the point!” she retorted, squeezing so hard her knuckles were beginning to turn white.

Van knew he was in deep shit now. This was definitely something he hadn’t expected and should have accounted for when he was doing this prank, but I guess you can’t predict everything when it comes to Billie. His vision was beginning to blacken when he heard the door open and Deaq walked inside. He stood there for a few moments as Van and Billie looked at him as if caught doing the nasty, Van getting a little bit of a relief when her fingers loosened just a bit. But that was over too quickly as she tightened them again.

Deaq laughed at the situation. Just one look at Billie’s car and he knew exactly what had happened. He walked over to the two of them, waited a moment, then jumped in to save Van from Billie’s death grip. It took him a few minutes to pry the two apart, but when he had finally done so, Van fall to the floor, coughing and rubbing his neck, happy to be released and sorry that he had done all that shit to Billie’s car. Billie, on the other hand, was ready to go back for more until Deaq grabbed her by the waist and held her back.

“Let me at him!” Billie struggled against his hold as she tried to kick her heels into him.

“No, I can’t let you do that. You’ll be late for your meeting,” Deaq replied, letting her go when she stopped struggling, which was about the same time she realized that she was already running late.

“Shit,” Billie said as she looked down at her watch to see it was nearly twelve, and the meeting started in about half an hour. She turned to Van and hissed, “I’ll get back at you later.”

“Say hi to the Columbians for me,” he waved her off. She glared at him and got in her car. Billie left the Candy Store moments later in a hurry as Van watched her go, a smile of relief on his face that it was all over and he had come out alive with the desired results, well, somewhat desired results. Deaq gave him a hand up and he immediately made a b-line to the bathroom to see what kind of damage she had inflicted on his poor neck.

Looking in the mirror, Van could see the bruises already forming, like big hickies after an intense make session. His body immediately reacted to the thought. A shudder of pleasure ran through all his extremities. Van shook the thoughts out of his head, trying to remember what he was supposed to do. Besides the bruises on his neck, the big one on his head was also beginning to look pronounced. He shrugged it off until Deaq walked behind him and asked, “Did she give you an upper cut to the forehead before she tried to strangle you?”

"No, the sink took a cheap shot at me yesterday," Van sarcastically answered as he continued to stare at his reflection in the mirror.

"You're telling me Billie tried to kill you just now, but the only mark you have on you is from where you got beat up by a sink?!" Deaq chuckled.

"Oh shut up and go the fuck away will ya?" Van retorted not amused by Deaq's comment.

"You love her! That's why you ruined the car, so she'd come back and spend lots of time forcing you to look at her as she yelled!" Deaq came to a sudden realization as he laughed and moved out of Van's swinging range.

"That is not why I messed up the car!" Van yelled. 'Its not. I did it to piss her off,' he thought to himself as he stared at Deaq thinking.

"You're admitting it then! You do like her!" Deaq quickly read into his words. Van's mouth almost dropped when he realized what he had said. He had definitely let it slip that time.

“No, I’m not! No, I don’t!” Van tried to cover his blunder. “I hate the bitch! All she ever does is push my buttons and try to get me to wrap myself around her finger! I’ve become her damn minion!”

“Then tell me… is it because you think you have to, or because you actually like to?” Deaq questioned, pinning Van with his question in a position where any answer would get him in trouble.

“I have to! She’s my boss! She has the power to throw me out of here on my ass and send me back to writing parking tickets for the rest of my life!” Van tactically answered so he wouldn’t get himself in anymore trouble than he was already in.

“Whatever, Van. You keep telling yourself that, and I’ll keep thinking it’s bull shit,” Deaq replied, leaving the bathroom before Van had time to think about it. He slammed the door shut behind him and looked in the mirror again. His head was spinning. This was definitely time to look for some Vicodin. Van opened the mirror over the sink and began to look through it for some kind of pain killer. He searched through the many bottles Billie kept there, noting her taste in expensive drugs and over the counter medications until he hit the strong sleeping pills at the top of the cabinet. He grabbed them, his mind immediately turning from the pain in his forehead to the staple gun he still had stashed in his car. If this wasn’t the perfect time to get Deaq back for what he wrote on his face, then when was?

Van snuck out of the bathroom and headed for the coffee pot in the lounge to grab a couple of cups and conveniently slip the pills into Deaq’s, knocking him out effectively. He had a very good feeling these were the same pills Billie had slipped into his coffee the day before, so he knew they would probably work very well with what he was trying to do. As he ran back downstairs with the coffee, he made sure to sit down at his usual spot in Billie’s office so that Deaq wouldn’t suspect anything when he handed him his cup of coffee. Van began to smile as his mind ran over what was just about to happen. As soon as Deaq was unconscious, he’d grab the staple gun to his car. Now, what wall would he staple Deaq to? That was a question Van decided he’d tackle later. Right now, getting Deaq his coffee was the most important thing.

Deaq returned to the showroom a few minutes later. Van held the coffee cup over his head and waited for him to grab it. “Thanks,” Deaq said as he sat down beside him and took a few sips. “Is this Billie’s special?” he questioned, the taste being a bit bitter for him.

“You know it,” Van replied, hiding the smile that was threatening to creep up onto his lips and expose him.

“You didn’t slip anything in here, did you?” Deaq added, giving Van a hard stare to make sure he was telling the truth.

“Now what would make me go and do that?” Van responded, giving him a hard stare back. He definitely had a great poker face on today. Everything Deaq was reading off him was totally fake. ‘Wonderful!’ Van thought, smiling inwardly.

Deaq shook his head and continued drinking his coffee without giving him a reply. Van watched eagerly, waiting with unbelievable patience for the drugs to kick in and knock his partner out. The anticipation was killing him, but the payoff at the end would be all worth it. Just seeing the look on Billie’s face when she found Deaq hanging from a wall unconscious would be a reward in and unto itself.

Finally after several minutes in limbo, Deaq’s eyes began to droop and his head started to bob. This was it! Van stood up just as his head hit the desk in front of him to make sure he was out cold. Low and behold, he got his wish.

Deaq was out for the count, and Van’s plan was about to be put into action. He ran out to his car, grabbed the staple gun, and started looking for the best place to put Deaq where Billie would easily spot him. He found it moments later… the back door near the basketball court. Billie would definitely see him there clear as daylight. He quickly got to business, dragging the unconscious body of his partner towards the door, staple gun charging at an outlet close by. This was going to be fun, and Van knew it; maybe even more fun than what he did to Billie’s car. That definitely put a bigger smile on his face.

Van dragged Deaq over to the wall and then stopped. "Well, damn it, how in the hell am I gonna get him up there?" Van asked himself. Finally he just bit the bullet and without much thought hoisted Deaq up against the wall and pressing him there with his chest as he quickly stapled the corner of his shirt to the wall.

Van tried to pull away to see how it looked but when he did, he realized that he had stapled himself to the wall along with Deaq! He carefully reached for the staple remover in his back pocket and plucked out the staple. The next time around, Van made sure that his shirt was clear of the gun before he stapled Deaq. The arms and legs came first, then the rest of his body. When Van had finished, he stepped back and surveyed his work. His partner was now spread eagle, sound asleep and stapled to the wall with drool slowly making its way down the corner of his mouth.

Van couldn't help himself. He ran to his locker and found a Burger King crown and a Polaroid camera. Quickly rushing back to the showroom to make sure that Deaq remained undisturbed, he placed the crown on top of his head. Van looked at his work of art, which was all he could do to keep from busting a gut right then and there. He stepped back and lifted the camera. Once the framing was right, he snapped the picture of a lifetime.

It was now time for Van to crumple to the floor laughing hysterically, his eyes stinging with tears as he tried to calm down, but couldn’t. Before he knew it, a door behind him slammed and the distinct clicking of Billie’s heels against cement could be heard throughout the Candy Store. They stopped suddenly as he looked up to see her standing there before him, her eyes glued to Deaq’s unconscious form suspended from the door by staples. Van began to laugh harder as the expressions on her face showed what she was clearly thinking. First it was “What the fuck,” followed by “Holy shit,” then “Oh, my God,” until finally, she burst out laughing. Billie fell to the floor beside Van, unable to keep upright any longer. This was definitely the funniest thing she had seen besides Van in that animal suit.

Billie and Van lay helplessly on the floor laughing and looking at the shrine Van had stapled to the wall. Their laughing was so loud Deaq began to stir. Seeing this only served to make Billie grab a hold of Van so she wouldn't fall off the earth from laughing. Deaq knew he should have been able to get comfy so he tried to move again, but couldn't. So he did what any man would do, he tried harder. "Damn it, why the hell can't I..." he said as he opened his eyes and saw Van and Billie on the floor in hysterics. Deaq looked down to find himself stuck to some wall unable to move. He didn’t know what was holding him up, but he knew it had to be one of their doings.

“What the hell did you do to me?” Deaq yelled at them, but that only made their laughing worse. “Get me the fuck down! NOW!”

“Nice job, Ray,” Billie giggled as she sat up in his arms and looked at Deaq again, this time able to just sit and grin at him instead of nearly die laughing.

“Why, thank you, sir,” Van replied, taking note that she was in his arms leaning against his chest as she tried to hold herself upright.

Billie took note as well. This definitely felt nice. The warmth of his chest against her back was comforting. As long as Deaq didn’t get any ideas from this, she wouldn’t mind doing it again. She quickly snapped out of her thoughts when she felt Van’s arms tighten just a little around her. She consciously snuggled closer as she continued to giggle at Deaq’s prone form, making sure that Van noticed.

And he did notice. Van tightened his arms around her a little more, smiling as he too looked at Deaq and laughed at his work. Billie’s body felt nice snuggled up against his. Maybe he could get used to this. Maybe this was something they could share when Deaq wasn’t around. Unconsciously, he got a little closer to her neck, his lips so close to her skin he could feel the heat radiating off of it. This was definitely exciting and exhilarating. He would have to try this again sometime.

"Hey, I know y'all are enjoying yourselves down there but GET ME DOWN!" Deaq yelled, knocking them both out of their little fantasy lands. Van quickly pulled away from Billie and stood up while she tried to forget what happened as she sat on the floor wondering how she could have let herself go for that long.

Van was left alone to take Deaq down from the wall. He grabbed the staple remover from his pocket and started the tedious task of removing all the staples that were holding Deaq up against the wall. The only problem he encountered was what would happen once he took down most of the staples. As he took another staple out of the wall, he heard a slow rip. Van stepped back to see what the hell was going on, and at that moment, Deaq began to slide down the all, his clothes beginning to rip where the last staples were attached.

“Oh, SHIT!” he yelled. Van and Billie were standing back watching Deaq slide down the wall. It looked as if he were going in slow motion. He hit the floor with a thud and the laughter started all over again on a slightly lesser scale. Deaq sat up and glared at Van. "Dude! My clothes! Look at them!" he shouted as Van laughed.

Van just stood there and stared as Deaq got up. "Dude, how was I to know you were about to fall?" Van asked as innocently as possible. Even before Deaq answered, Billie laughed knowing the answer herself.

"Well, the rip coulda set off some sort of clue in your head I would think! Do untorn clothes rip, Van? No!" Deaq yelled as Van regained his composure.

"Well, I guess not," Van said. He turned around, pulled Billie up from the floor and walked away.

Deaq stood there with his shirt torn and his ego bruised. "You're not gonna tell anyone down at the precinct are you?" he asked as she turned to walk away.

"Why wouldn't I? That was pretty damn hysterical and the boys would love to here about it," she said.

“You two are so gonna pay for this,” Deaq growled as he stood up and made his way to the door. He had to go home and change out of the torn clothes. Afterwards, he’d make his own plan of revenge to get back at both of them. Until then, he was stuck with no clue as to how he’d hit Van and Billie where they hurt most.

Van watched Deaq leave the warehouse and sighed with relief. It had definitely been a close call with Billie that afternoon. He knew he was getting in over his head now, and his feelings for her were getting stronger by the minute. He wanted so badly to take his partner’s advice about telling her now before it was too late, but he was afraid that she’d just laugh in his face and make fun of him for the rest of his life. That’s the last thing Van wanted. So, he held back and watched her as she sat down in her office and booted up her computer. She looked absolutely ravishing today in her black full length skirt, red shirt, and matching black formal jacket. Van closed his eyes as he leaned against one of the support beams.

From the speakers in Billie’s office, the soft and slow melody of Sarah McLachlan’s “I Love You” began to play. Van opened his eyes and found himself making his way towards her. Once he reached her desk and she turned around to look at him with those beautiful blue eyes, he extended his hand. She took it, surprisingly, and stood up as he led her to a spot in her office where there was a little more free space.

I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road

We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears

Van wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him as she continued to stare up at him with those magnificent eyes of hers. Billie leaned in a little closer and gently rested her head on his shoulder. He liked the feeling of her being so close. He never wanted to let go of this moment.

It's just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek

Oh and every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away

Van could feel her sigh deeply, showing him that she liked this just as much as he did. If only this moment could last forever. If only it would never end. Letting go was something Van desperately tried not to think about. He wanted this too much, and now that he had the chance, he’d tell Billie everything. But still, he remained silent, letting the song tell it for him.

And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night's
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say I need you so

And at this moment, words failed to describe what he was feeling. The touch of her hand gently enveloped in his, the feel of her body so close that he could feel the heat, and the sweet scent of her hair as it brushed up against his skin was something that not even Shakespeare could write a poem about. Van took it all in slowly, savoring it like ice cream, until he felt her pull away slightly.

Their eyes met once more in a passionate gaze that seemed to slow time to the point where it was only the two of them occupying the vast expanse of the earth. Van looked down at her eyes shining like diamonds in firelight, so filled with unspoken love that it made his feelings pale in comparison. Her hand gently made its way to his cheek, letting it rest there as she leaned in a little closer, her lips in range for that kiss both so desperately wanted to share.

Oh and every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away

And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night's
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say I need you so

Van finally couldn’t take it any longer. He closed his eyes again and made a desperate dash for her lips, but was unable to find them. He opened his eyes once more to find that this had all been a vivid dream and that Billie was now standing a few feet away from him with an odd expression on her face. The music had ended, as had the mood, and he quickly came to his senses.

Van looked down trying to hide the blush that came to his face and pushed himself off the beam as he made his way out of the showroom and upstairs to the lounge. He could only hope that Billie hadn’t realized what had just happened. If she could see what his thoughts were at the moment, he’d never live to see another day.

Billie, on the other hand, really didn’t know what the hell was going on with Van. She could only guess that he had gone off into nana land and had a really wacky dream. She didn’t care what kind of dream it was as long as it didn’t have her as one of the main characters. For some reason, the more she thought about that, the more it hurt. Was she ready to admit she was falling for Van Ray after all these months of working so close to him?

‘NO!’ Billie yelled at herself internally. ‘No way, no how, uh-uh! But…’ There was always that “but.” She hated that “but” because she knew it meant that deep down inside there was something gnawing at her soul telling that she was in love with him and that one of these days it would come around to bite her in the ass. ‘Maybe that’s not such a bad thing…’ Billie started to think then realized that she was getting in over her head again. She pushed all those thoughts aside and stared working on the loads of paperwork that had made their way to her inbox that afternoon.

Finally reaching his apartment, Deaq set to work planning out the idea for revenge against Van that struck him while he was stuck in traffic on the 405… spray paint. He didn’t know how the idea hit him, but he knew how he was going to execute it. Two words… trip wire. The thought brought a smile to his face as he walked into his room and began rummaging through his closet for another set of clothes since the ones he was wearing now were completely destroyed.

After putting on a regular white tee shirt and a pair of comfortable jeans, he walked back outside and headed for the hardware store to put his plan into motion. He brought several yards of string and about twenty cans of different colored spray paint, hot pink, electric blue, blazing orange, highlighter yellow, florescent green, and several other colors that fit into the “bright” category, colors he knew would get peoples attention if they took one look at Van after the incident was over. The smile on his face grew as his thoughts began to form a solid plan in his head. He checked out quickly and made his way to Van’s place. He knew his partner was probably stuck doing Billie’s dirty work again that afternoon, so he had plenty of time set everything up.

Deaq started with the front door and the first color, hot pink, tying the string around the nozzle so that when Van walked into the room, he’d get sprayed in the face. He continued putting his little booby traps all over the other doors in the apartment until he reached the bathroom, the pinnacle of his plan. This was where he set up the rest of the cans of spray paint, about ten total, with an intricate assemblage of strings that all connected to the one at the bottom of the door that sprayed them all the moment Van stepped on it. He laughed at the picture popping into his head as he stepped over the cords carefully, making his way out of there before his partner returned from work.

Before he left the apartment, Deaq spied a video camera lying across the couch. He decided to add insult to injury and set up the camera in the bathroom to catch the final spray as it happened. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Van’s face when he realized what Deaq had done. This was definitely going to be one of those times the wait was worth it. He slowly made his way out of the apartment once more and headed back to his place to make sure he wasn’t caught in the act.

Van returned home late that night, tired and dying to lie down in his bed. Billie had worked him to the bone, barking orders like he was her lap dog. He obediently obeyed and did as he was asked, hoping that he’d get a little flirting in before he left, but that didn’t happen. She seemed a little more on the edge that night than usual, so he went home without bothering to make a comment about how lovely she looked.

As he stepped into the apartment his thoughts were still on Billie. Van unlocked the door and turned the knob. As the door opened and he stepped inside, Van hit the trip wire and got a blast of hot pink spray paint right on his chest, neck and face. "What the fuck?!" he growled as he closed the door. He made his way into the living room as he wiped the paint away from his eyes. Whoever had done that was gonna pay. He decided to go in the bedroom to change out of his ruined clothes. He opened the door and got a blast of lime green and electric blue spray paint on his pants and again, in his face. "Who the hell…?" Van yelled. He was getting pissed now.

'Okay, the closet should be safe,' he thought as he walked over and opened the door, only to get hit on both sides of the head with highlighter yellow and electric blue spray paint. Van was beyond yelling now. He just pulled out some new clothes and grumbled as he headed to the bathroom. He hesitated before opening the door. ‘Hell, might as well just get it over with,’ he thought, grabbing the knob and slowly pulling on it. Walking inside with his eyes closed, the last of the spray paint cans hit him full force, including shocking pink, blazing orange, and lime green.

Van flipped on the light and looked at himself in the mirror. He was covered head to toe. "They're gonna pay for this," he mumbled as he disrobed and got in the shower. Little did he know about the camera hidden behind the toilet.

The next day was like something out of the pages of Hell. Van walked into the Candy Store to hear shrieks of laughter emanating from Billie’s office. He instantly knew it had something to do with what had happened last night and decided to find out what. She and Deaq were hovering over her monitor, watching the screen intently until they burst out laughing again.

“What’s so funny?” Van asked as he walked up to them and tried to take a look.

“Oh, nothing,” Deaq replied innocently as he gave him one of his deceptive smiles and turned back around. Van shoved him out of the way to see what Billie was watching. To his horror, it was a tape of his spray paint disaster.

“Where the fuck did you get that?!?!” Van yelled as he grabbed Deaq by the collar and nearly threw him to the floor. He managed to get out of Van’s hold but didn’t say anything, fearing for his own safety.

“Oh, quit being a drama queen,” Billie scolded as she stopped the tape and put it in her desk, making sure she locked it up tight and slipped the key into her bra, making sure that he had seen her do it.

Van was instantly quieted by her subtle gesture as his mouth hung open. He began to wonder what had made her do that until she walked up to him and whispered, “By the way, nice package.” Billie walked away without looking back to see the astonished and befuddled look on his face. What she meant by that he’d probably never know, but it was sure fun to think about the possibilities.